she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
