how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
