Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
