Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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