Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
