Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
