She said her name was "party"
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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