normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
