she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
