It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
