Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
