Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
