I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
