yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
