I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
