I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
