I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize