Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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