hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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