Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
