Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
