maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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