Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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