My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
