He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
They should really pass out barf bags in church
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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