True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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