Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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