I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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