it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
