guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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