dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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