Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
time to smoke my breakfast
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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