do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize