It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
