Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
