Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize