does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
