guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i wish my penis had a tongue
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Randomize
