There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
