i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize