This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
