Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
