hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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