Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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