Non-Jews are for practice
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
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