I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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