he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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