I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
