someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
