I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
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