you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize