So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It's official drugs can't kill me
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
