So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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