My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
