Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Why is your signature on my underwear?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
