You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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