She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i will never coherently bang her
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You left your underwear on the fireplace
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
