also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
