My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
