There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
