I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
