I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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