Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry MandoJedi88 hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(805): View more from California

peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.

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(719): View more from Colorado

I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests

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(515): View more from Iowa

Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?

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(651): View more from Minnesota

I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.

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(503): View more from Oregon

Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?

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(613): View more from Ontario

I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."

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(646): View more from New York

When was the last time you got laid?

(669): View more from California

When was the last time you came home sober?

(646): View more from New York

touche

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