when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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