I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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