this just has baby written all over it
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
