he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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