Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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